5 Myths Busted to Make Divorce Less Scary

Divorce is scary! There are just so many unknowns that it causes a lot of anxiety.

Let’s talk about some of the misconceptions and unknowns to take some of the fear out of it.

Myth #1: After you decide to divorce, the first thing you do is file with the court.

It’s really best to file for divorce after you have come to agreements (or really tried to anyway) with your spouse about things like children, finances and property. You both know yourselves best and an agreement with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse will likely feel more fair then if the judge makes decisions for you. Your agreements can be filed with your other court paperwork so it goes in as an uncontested divorce. This tells the court you’ve worked things out and just need their approval versus a stressful trial.

Myth #2: We have nothing to divide so there’s nothing to write down.

Even when you don’t have any issues in dispute, (e.g. you don’t have children, there is no joint debt, you don’t own a house or even a car) you still have to write these things down in the proper way. The court needs to have in writing that either everything is settled or not.

Myth #3: Since we don’t have disagreements, we should be divorced within the month.

In Georgia, you have to wait 31 days from the day of filing before you can get a hearing date set (to finalize the divorce). Then, it depends on the judge’s calendar and how busy they are. It might take a couple of months or more even if you have it all settled.

Myth #4: We can’t agree on much of anything so we might as well let the judge decide.

While the court exists to hear your case and decide the outcome for you, there is plenty of opportunity for you do it yourself. In fact, the courts strongly encourage people to work it out on their own as much as they can before relying on the judge. It’s not uncommon for a divorcing couple to disagree at first and then after some time and discussion come to agreement. Often in any kind of situation, people facing big decisions need to time to think about things and gain a wider perspective before they’re ready to agree.

Myth #5: We don’t see eye to eye and neither do our attorneys so mediation is probably going to be a waste of time.

Same as above, where you haven’t been able to agree in the past, it is entirely possible that you start to at some point. Don’t give up hope! Mediation works best after couples have been trying to work out a settlement for a while and their attorneys (if they have them) have had time to get to know the couple and their issues pretty well. There’s something magically effective about setting a time to talk and work things out and having a neutral, third party (the mediator) help with the conversation. Mediators keep the discussion on track and moving forward.

One of the biggest misconception I’ve seen over the years is that people don’t realize that they do have the power to make decisions for themselves in court proceedings, especially before any paperwork is filed. Remember this and that the wheels of justice are intended to move slowly so try to be patient.

Lastly, if you get stuck in your negotiations, seek out a mediator who can help get you unstuck and moving forward. Keeping these things in mind will hopefully keep expectations grounded and the divorce process less scary.

Schedule a confidential chat here to see if mediation might be a good fit for you.

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