It is officially Spring, the season of blooms and growth. Coming out of the winter months (even if they weren’t that cold) is like an awakening when we get to come out of our caves, shake the cobwebs off and run free. Okay, I realize we’re not actually hibernating bears but feeling can sure be the same.
What new things do you want to happen for yourself? What might a season of growth hold for you? If you want to follow nature’s lead and try to bust out of dormancy, what things would you want to work on?
My clients who are separating and divorcing are generally in some sort of stuck place. They aren’t happy where they are and want to get past it but don’t always know how. Or if they have ideas for themselves their partner may be holding them back. In mediation, I help them get through the issues by tackling them one at a time. We don’t spend a whole lot of time on the past and what got them where they are. Although that kind of background is important and does help make sense of why they are where they are, focusing on it too much keeps them there, rather than moving forward. With understanding of the past, we can create a framework for the future and then talk about distinct steps and plans of action to get them there.
You can use this same model to create a future for yourself that you choose. Here’s how:
- Get clear with your intentions. Do you want better communication with your partner? Do you want more one-on-one time with him/her? Do you want to finally take that vacation? Maybe it’s more domestic like a clear spending and savings plan or a weekly house cleaning. Or it could be personal such as more exercise, healthier eating or trying new things. Start with one (or two if they’re related) and spend some time thinking about it. Try not to let a bunch of wishes flood your head all at once and overwhelm you. Start small and focus.
- Spend time thinking about what the plan in action or end result looks like in your life. What would it feel like? Try to keep your mind there, in the positive outcome, when you think about it. You’ve probably already spent plenty of time thinking about what you don’t have or what isn’t working. How about switch it up and focus on what your life would be like if these goals were actually happening?
- What are some real life, tangible things you can do to move you toward this goal? Baby steps count. Take some time to think about it and write your ideas down. There’s something very powerful about writing down our intentions. In fact, no mediation is truly resolved unless there is a written and signed agreement.
- Every time you take an action toward your goal or vision, recognize it or even congratulate yourself. This helps you stay the course. We all need encouragement, right? Why not give it to ourselves? If you falter, try not to beat yourself up about it. Recognize it for what it is and just start again or try again next time. Keep moving forward, right?
We all know (or probably should by now) that there’s really not a magic wand out there that will fix everything and give us what we want, we have to do it ourselves. I hope these painless steps and the encouragement of the spring season will help you start moving forward with something new and good.